Letting Go!

Moving on, we all have to do it I have done it my fair share but is it me or does it get harder each time.

I guess I am looking back, only cause someone wants me to in a positive way, there is only about 4 men ever in my life that I have loved and they have not hurt me. My dad, my bro, a very good friend and an ex who hasnt been mentioned before.

He has since we started talking again this year been a rock he knows me fairly well, not quite as well as he should but hes picked up on things. He raced to be by my side this year when I had a serious black out and couldn't breathe, he held my hand whilst I was scared silly when they said my bp was dangerously low and had me hooked up to too many bleeping machines. Hes picked up although on the outside I try to remain this confident in control person that on the inside im hurting and scared.
He picked up at the moment I love being back in my home town but with so many memories and so much going on that I needed a friend who could make me smile and remember the good times.

Are we friends are we more I don't know and I am not second guessing anything anymore, will cross that bridge when I come to it, but to give me heart totally I really dont know, being alone sucks, being hurt sucks, being scared of both sucks!

My dear friend talked about up there, may not know how much I really do love and care for him. He sees me as I am, he knows whats in my head and to be fair I have caught him out a couple of times knowing whats in his, damn marry you, like I said we'd kill each other lol.

So I am having a quiet night in tonight a dvd, a glass or 2 of wine, and one of the people I have loved will be here to laugh alongside me. Tomorrow is the trip down south lets pray the weather stays half reasonable and I don't have a total mission getting there.
So this is my last message pre christmas unless i get lucky with signal on the train tomorrow, to one to all merry christmas, may your stockings and hearts be full of love and cheer
me
xx