Time stands still

hmmm, well I have been away longer than I though or maybe its just I didn't know what to share. In fact still don't really know.

Was him telling me that the relationship should have ended weeks ago, meant to make me feel any better, it didn't it fact made it worse as I thought we was going to get through it till this last week. I realise now that when we first split, it should have stayed that way, yes I was scared I saw a man I loved in pieces, he said he would change. But that would not have been fair, he wanted me to change. My reply has always been I am me, am I the person you love or not? Perhaps he should have asked the same.
This evening has been a long one, I have gone through emotions, both upset and anger. Upset and angry with him, myself and both of us.

This is the hard part to write, I did something this weekend that I would never normally do, but it made me feel human I felt more than one side of the coin again. 2 flames together rather than one trying to spark and light another. I guess the flame is burning now, it takes 2, and in some ways yes we was right to be joined in other ways I have realised we wasn't.

I don't have regrets have realised that they are not right some time ago, just little things we have to learn from.
I have learnt something very dear this weekend and maybe currently it feels awful, but I know that this path is not at an end its moving pretty fast.
I wanted to just stop everything earlier, you know stop this world I want to get off, but what solution would that have brought. It would have just left me totally lost.
night night for now or should I say morning
x